Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Procrastination as Punishment

So, we'll just jump in -- what if your fear isn’t completely about failure or rejection? 
What if this “holding back” thing is only partially about recoiling from having to feel bad/unwanted/stupid/insane?
What if you are procrastinating because you don’t believe you actually deserve the incredibleness you’re on the precipice of experiencing? 
What if your procrastination pause is a form of systematic self-induced punishment -- a wildly creative sabotage you’ve designed especially to keep the beautiful-fantastic-happy AWAY?

What if your procrastination is protecting you from both ick AND bliss?
Withhold the good stuff from yourself? Why... would you do that
What if your fear is about not quite believing you are worthy of a better life, of having heaven instead of hell, of feeling good, REALLY good, no explanations nor apology necessary?
What if your fear is about being lauded, appreciated, acknowledged, respected, recognized, seen, heard? 
Holy cow what would THAT be like?!
I mean, what the hell would you do with that it would feel so foreign you’re so not used to it and what if everyone expects big everythings from you now and what if you have to constantly live up to that and sitting with the discomfort of praise is SO “blank” and what will others think of you past present and future and how would you explain this newfound whatever to your parents/significant other/church/the government/the cats?
Stop punishing yourself.  
What if picking up that pen, the phone, the paintbrush, or hitting “send” means your whole life could change? It could. It will. It is.

What if this next thing you’re about to do makes the dream that much closer to coming true? It could. It will. It is.

Isn't it fabulous we always have this choice?

Another imperfect post, accompanied by:
Simon and Garfunkel -- (a very specific verse of) Bridge Over Troubled Water - Live
Popular posts:
Philip Glass:  Breaking Through and Maybe Minimalism
Walk Into It
The Egg Project -- Self-discovery through metaphor
Trista's newsletter -- Read the current edition here
Trista Hill is a professional harpist and fine artist, creativity coach, educator in the arts, and Board-Certified Music Therapist. What her formal degrees in music and art gave her pale in comparsion to the gifts she's experienced in working with creatives just like you. Visit her website — — for links to her blog, performances, and other fantastical creative offerings.