When the fish dies -- as they do here at the edge of a big end / beginning -- and the bowl breaks during washing and the very next day a Freecycle post offers two glass giants with just the right accessories, you don't question it, you just go get them.
And the very same day, when you round the corner at Goodwill during a statewide pre-storm panic and find the only and brand new set of fireplace tools for $3, you pick them up.
And then it snows. You wait for the big answers. Sometimes they hit you in the middle of a crochet stitch, or when nursing a firewood wound, or when inhaling newborn skin as he sinks into soft sleep in your arms, or when you discover the spot in the snow where the canine tracks reveal the start of a highspeed chase.
You gun it out of the driveway in reverse because it's the only way to prevent the car-made-in-snowy-Sweden from getting stuck. You visit friends on another planet and book your next gig on the way out. You overhaul some online music because what was there suddenly no longer represents who you are or what you do. Despite looming monsters like the next IRS and everything-else payment, you commit to the big purchase for really no logical reason at all.
"Yes," he says, "I am so happy to do that for you."
Sweeping driveway snow in pink boots from a former life that were made for mud puddles and not single digit cold, you realize that after eight years you don't know where the edges are. That must be why that bush was planted there, the plant with purpose that has so often to you looked out of place and alone.
You already responsibly recycled yourself out of some necessary supplies, but at the end of the driveway, in hard-to-miss orange plastic, you find exactly what you need to start the next roaring fire.
Tomorrow there are more decisions to make, but maybe it's as simple as showing up, maybe with homemade black bean soup and perfectly popped stovetop popcorn and dark chocolate covered almonds and more fire, with an open mind and heart. Keep the faith.
Yes, Time and a Word -- lush and clamoring